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Archive for March 4th, 2011

It’s Thursday March 3rd, and I am tired. Yesterday I was busy with work and the Red Cross and therefore I didn’t manage to get home until past ten in the evening. That means, the only option for the rest of such a day was taking a shower and then going to bed. I get up at 5 a.m. after all.

It’s “Karneval” over here and people are walking by my windows, wearing costumes and having fun while my head is about to explode. The atmosphere in the office is tense. Silence and ignorance have been remodeled and are now used as weapons between my colleague and myself. It’s terrible and I have long started taking a heavy mood home and bringing it back in every morning.

Also, I am so fed up with my hair, that I just typed “hairstylist” in google and added my town. I found some stylists close to where I live and called right away. I actually have neglected my hair for some time now. Basically I get up, comb it, plaid it and off to work…

Yeah, that’s how long my hair is. I will reduce any person loving long hair to tears today!!! By cutting it all off. I have a long face, so I guess cutting it really short is out of the question. I will see.

I am going to leave work now, my head is just torturing me and I have no painkiller on me. I’ll write again tomorrow…

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Here we go! Yay for me. The first month of my documented journey has come to an end and I am still walking strong. Well at least I feel that way. No mayor failures so far.

The only problem is, I haven’t been able to get into any kind of exercise routine. Active 2 feels a little too extreme so far. I want to start slowly and Active 2 is trying to get the player into the high fat burning heartbeat areas right away, which makes me stumble. Once I start something I want to seriously give it my all and that doesn’t work for me when trying Active 2. So I ordered … whats her name… *erm*… Leslie Sansone. It’s a series of DVDs for walking at home. She is not very famous over here and unfortunately I can’t order the DVDs from the States, cause my DVD Player is Region 2.

Anyway the DVD should get here by Thursday I hope. I am also thinking about doing Zumba, yet I believe that will be too tough on me as well. Has anyone any experience with it??

I really need someone to exercises with.

Okay, since March has started I should think about what I have achieved so far. I have lost 9 lbs in February, yet that was only due to a really feverish flu. My goal for March should be to find an exercise that fits my abilities. Also a loss of 4 more lbs would be nice. Lets try this.

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Can  you believe it? Even though I only really worked one day last week, I was really looking forward to the weekend. Part of the reason is my colleague I guess. She is really unhappy working where she is working at the moment. Well, after all she is only 22 and at that age one really wants to prove oneself to the world I guess. It was the same for me when I started working here. So no problem there…yet…

Coming to the fact that she is unhappy working here… she carries her unhappiness around like an advertisement sign that screams “I AM UNHAPPY!!!!”

Unfortunately I can’t help her with that problem. She won’t be happy, only because I want her to be happy.

Every morning when she arrives at work she hardly manages a “good morning” and remains silent for the rest of the day. Not even one word – and that is driving me nuts. Still, I can’t do anything about it. Sometimes I think that she hates me or that I might have done something unspeakably bad to her, to justify her behavior.

Even though I know that she hates to work here, I still take it personal and can’t keep myself from wondering what I might have done to her. This again results in me taking this office mood home and it makes me long for the weekends. Damn!!! Anyone any suggestions as to how to deal with this situation??

Anyways, I ordered my camera today, a Canon IXUS 105. I hope it will do. It’s nothing great really, but affordable for me. Apart from the camera, I ordered a camera case, a memory card, a book, called “Komm suesser Tod” (Come sweet death) – a detective story and a pair of shoes….weird combination, I know. 😉 

By the way, this is my first real digital camera, I am so happy to eventually have one and I am planning to upload pictures and videos regularly, if this side allows it.

Anyway, I have been somewhat lazy this weekend, no exercise…I really need someone to motivate me. Anyone out there?

After being sick, I have eventually bounced back in weight. Saturday’s weigh-in revealed 306,2 lbs that’s a plus of 1.5 lbs since being sick, which is quite alright I think. Well, considering the fact that I lost more than 9 lbs from being sick.

I tried to use my Mom’s stepper this weekend but realized that it is no longer really functional, so I guess I really need to order something different. Has anyone tried Zumba??

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Man, what a day.  I just got back after a long day. I went to work again…yay!! I was looking forward to it, yet when I got to work, I realized that my colleague was in one of her moods again – not talking. Not talking to me anyways. Some weeks ago I had decided not to be bothered by her mood swings anymore and so I just started working. Two hours into working I gathered my sick leave stuff and wanted to send it off, when I realised that my doctor had made a mistake. When I went to my doctor on Monday, she told me to stay home until Wednesday and return to work on Thursday…yet in the documents she wrote that I was on sick leave until – and including – the 24th of Feb. Damn, so I actually had to leave again due to insurance issues.

After returning home, Harun my best friend called and asked me to come to his place to help him. Last week there was a fire at his flat and he had asked some people to come by and help cleaning up, so I went there at around 2 p.m. and stayed until 7 p.m.

At one point we were in a room where one of his brothers stays and he found an old Turkish sword amongst all his brother’s belonging. He obviously considered it an extraordinarily good idea to pull out the sword the moment I entered the room. Pulling out wasn’t enough, he pulled it out quite dashingly… and off went the blade. Well alone that is.

The blade wasn’t really well attached to the rest of the sword and when he pulled it out, the blade flew right at my head, missed my temple and ricocheted off the right side of my skull, flying into the hallway. I was left absolutely speechless and unable to move even one inch. The blade easily could have entered my right eye and created havoc in my frontal lobe. I am in shock just by thinking how close to a serious injury I was today. Of course Harun didn’t intend to injure me, still that was really close and I am still in shock, considering how stupid he sometimes behaves. He could have killed me… Anyway, I can’t think now, I am all exhausted and my cloth smell like burned plastic.

So I’ll take a shower and hop into bed…see you tomorrow…

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After almost 1 1/2 weeks of sickness, I am getting back on track. No more dizziness and the coughing is pretty bearable at the moment. My eyes are tearing though, but I believe that is due to the weather. Spring is slowly approaching, even though the weather has once again turned chilly within the past two days.  

Today I wasn’t hungry until late and managed to have a cookies’n cream shake around noon. Felt quite satisfied after having it. Later, by 4 p.m. I had some brown bread with chicken/cheese and small tomatoes. Had to fight with my cats about the chicken. I have to buy that thinly cut chicken breast again, because the cats won’t leave me alone when eating it. 

Kaya always touches my side with her claws when I am not looking, which really drives me crazy. When I am sitting down I have to check behind me every few minutes, so she would leave me alone.

I am not sure whether I can do my exercises today, since it’s either going to the red cross meeting or exercising. I am still a little off-balance it seems, having a problem making that decision. … arg, why is that?

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Yes, it seems I am back on my feet. Gravity has its clutches around me again.

The moment I started recovering, my body started falling back into old habits/demands. I am still not smoking, yet I do feel the missing effects now.

I am still on smaller portions but my mind is demanding bigger ones now. It seems, that while I was sick I must have been bouncing off the ground mentally… well, I wish it had lasted a little longer.

So now I am back to hard work – after all, what did I expect. Physically I am feeling better by the day. After getting up this morning I wasn’t feeling dizzy and when coughing, my head is no longer on the verge of explosion. Yesterday I went to see my doctor one more time and she told me that I will be able to go to work on Thursday. I am looking forward to this, it’s really time for everything to be normal again, especially health wise, cause I want my weight loss plan to become part of my normal everyday life. More than anything else though, I want to start exercising on a regular base. I can’t really do it now, getting all dizzy the moment I start getting active.

Yesterday after my trip to the doctor, I dropped by the supermarket on my way back and did a little shopping. I am totally into grapes at the moment. Weird.

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I am really feeling a little off. Still getting a little dizzy right after getting up and I am very, moving very slow at the moment. Also the coughing is really bothering me. Today I almost had to vomit after some vicious coughing. I have had enough please, I really don’t want to be sick anymore!! Anyway, at least this night I was able to sleep.

Okay, what has happened within the last two days. Ever Since I got sick on Monday, I have realised that one of my problems is most definitely portion size. Let me explain…Maybe the fever got rid of some “damaged” brain cells – like those kind of brain cells that are responsible for all bad eating habits and some “bad behaviour” relevant brain cells… – very likely, cause I have changed somehow.

From one moment to the other I stopped smoking, without having actually decided to. I just don’t feel like smoking anymore…is that normal?? Also without feeling any stress, I have downsized my portion size – well, once I started feeling like eating anyway. I am somehow looking at myself in awe. What’s wrong with me…or rather what is not wrong with me all of a sudden??? This is so weird, yet good weird.

Even though I still feel off-balance, I am somehow levitating in midair, lifted up by some weird feeling of content. And it’s not that I have no problems at the moment, yet despite all that I feel content. As if I have found my inner midst. Well, I don’t know, I am still confused… but happy.

After I started having smaller portions, I realized that I was still full, even though the amount of food I ate seemed really small. I belief, one fist amounts up to a portion.

My gosh, for me, a small portion was twice that amount – TWICE!!

Everything seems to fall into place, like with a puzzle after you find one piece that has been keeping you from continuing the puzzle. I am really happy.

Still I have not been able to do sports, yesterday I took the step machine from the shelf and put it on the ground. I got dizzy right away, so sport has to wait a few more days.

I have also decided to make Saturday my permanent weigh-in day, so here we go.

Todays weight: 304,7 lbs.

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