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Archive for the ‘Low carb’ Category

Okay, I think I have had enough of trying to change everything at once. I am going to return to most of my “old” habits. I actually cancelled my last appointment with the nutritionist – not entirely though, I just changed the date. So my next appointment is in two weeks time on the 20th. These past four weeks I have been bouncing all about the place, even the slightest glance at anything “forbidden” send me spiralling out of control.

Can you imagine cheating your nutritionist with plain bread, or a tbsp of refined sugar in a skillet full of bell pepper?? I can and I did … and I payed the price for it, which was; thinking that now, since I cheated already I could just as well go all the way and have more bad stuff which I am usually not allowed. It was weird how I got from having sugar in my bell pepper, to devouring waffles or chocolate, or something. An office friend of mine told me to drop the nutritionist with the words – “She ain’t good for you Janet!”

Well, first of all … I am not going to drop her!! Well, to be honest, even if I wanted to get out, I don’t think I could get out of the contract I signed.

And seconds of all, I am not beat yet!!

So after three weeks of no progress, actually I took a few steps back I guess, I am starting with what I know and doing so meant also getting a new scale since Kaya peed my old one into oblivion. Yes, she actually peed on it and her urine went into the scale, and killed the display for good. 😦

Lovely cat, isn’t she. 😉

Anyway, so I ordered a new scale and am waiting for its arrival at the moment, I also ordered some cloth to get me motivated again and as of last Monday I am back on the wagon. All the changes she asked me to implement, the no salt, no sugar, no ice coffee and the forced times at which I am supposed to eat resulted in me hitting quite a few bumps on the road, to be exact I started craving things. Like crazy!!

The fact that I had to drop my ice coffee after work but at the same time refused to eat anything in its stead but had to wait until 6 pm before I was “allowed” to eat again caused hardcore cravings for me and I have to admit that I followed the cravings on quite a few occasions. Looks like I am still that old Janet from back when I started. It is quite sobering to see that I can easily fall back into old habits, even more so since I actually believed that I had changed beyond the point of breaking down again like that.

Anyway, since I have returned to my ice coffee I feel like I might be able to regain control. Oh and I also kicked the timing for my dinner. Now I start cooking when I get hungry and that’s it about that!!!

I had a talk with Ronny today and that made me fear that I might get to feel some heat from my nutritionist. Telling her that it was all too much … well, and that I returned to having ice coffee. I really feel the pressure at the moment since when it comes to weight-loss, I am the one who always wants to prove herself.

Well, we’ll see. Okay, what have I been up to recently. Lot’s of Red Cross is happening at the moment. Once I returned from work, I feed the cats, clean the litter box, then have about 20 minutes for my milk coffee before I change into my uniform and get going again. At the moment St. Martin is happening over here again, so we have processions every day. I was on duty Monday, Tuesday and today, Ronny and I are manning our small ambulance together and drive behind the procession in order to keep the following traffic from driving into the crowds.

Our small ambulance and Ronny

Lanterns at the side of the road

Also last weekend I instructed another first aid course for some Red Cross newbies, which turned out quite fun, despite me having to slap Torsten’s fingers since he kept interrupting my course.

Doing CPR with the help of a defibrillator

About the apartment for my parents, we are going to sign the contract on Monday. My parents will arrive on Sunday, stay over night and leave with the train after everything is settled.

Oh and by the way, after the realtor had called, telling me that we got the place, my sleeping problems disappeared and I haven’t had any further episodes of panic or alike and I hope it will stay this way. I am still going to make an appointment with my doctor to make sure since I am also interested to find out about my cholesterol levels due to all the meat I have been having these past few month. I will keep you updated on it and also try to become a regular writer again.

That’s it for today … ah one more thing, what do you guys think about the re-election of Obama, since I can only look at it from the outside, I would really like to hear about what you think.

Night folks!

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Oh my, this morning I was totally contemplating whether to go to work or not but I am happy I decided to go after all.

Something weird happened last night – I think – I am not sure though, did I dream?? Anyway, I think I jumped out of bed, took two steps into my living room, turned around once, looking right and left and then went back into bed.

So – either I am suffering from panic attacks or something might be wrong with my heart. You guys remember that I mentioned before, that I would experience this weird sensation just moments before falling asleep. I would hear my heartbeat extremely loud in my ears and then be wide awake right away.

I think I experienced some extreme version of it last night because I clearly remember jumping out of bed, wander around shortly and then return to bed … but then again I am not sure whether it was a dream after all.

So this got me a little concerned, after all I have been suffering from stomach pains for month now and stomach pains can also have meaning in that regard, so I called my doctor today but had no luck. She is on vacation until Friday and I don’t want to go to the hospital and ask them for a 24 hour ECG, cause they won’t do it. Also the doctor who is substituting for her won’t do it either, since he/she is not my doctor.

I am thinking it’s only stress but it has been going on for 2 month now, so being a medic, I should most certainly stop ignoring and figure out what’s going on. The thing is, my stress should now come to an end since I got the call today!! People, we have the apartment for my parents!!! YAY!!!

But let me start at the beginning …

Okay, my older sister and Mom arrived around 3 pm on Sunday. I had prepared some cauliflower pizza, we  ate together and they all loved it. Afterwards Nicky left again and Mom and I went for a walk. I showed her the street where the new apartment would be situated and we walked into Friesdorf, where my parents would have to do their shopping.

Only 10 minutes walk from the place there is a swimming bath, 2 banks, 2 supermarkets, bakeries, pharmacies, a post office, kiosk and bus stops going to either Bonn or Bad Godesberg. She was a little overwhelmed I think but that is totally understandable, after all she spend the last 6 years in a village with only 6 buildings or so. We then walked back and talked about my cousin and her children, where Mom is staying at the moment. Oh, by the way, Dad has returned from his stay at the health spa, so he is staying there too at the moment.

Once we returned we had dinner – which is usually bread here in Germany. I went along with it and had 2 slices of bread with cheese. Then we had lots and lots of tea and talked and talked and talked until we eventually went to bed. I prepared my bed on the ground, while my Mom took the bed. Much to my surprise, Shorty follow me and took his usual spot next to my head, only this time he was a little confused about the location I guess. 😉

Kaya on the other hand decided to stay away and spend the night on the cat tree.

Despite the heater being on and the window closed, I got up in the middle of the night and tuned up the heater all the way, I was so cold … but hey, no incident that night. 😉

Anyway, the next morning after breakfast we went to Friesdorf again and did some shopping and spend the rest of the day talking and waiting. Waiting fo 3:30pm, when we could eventually get going and meet the realtor/landlord.

We also checked the site of the realtor and were shocked to find that the apartment he had invited us to look at, had been published – how dumb of us, we had thought that we were the only one to look at the place. No, we were not, there were 3 women and one man also interested in that flat and while my Mom was so excited and ready to basically show all her cards at once, I tried to signal her to wait with the “real” questions until the rest of them were gone.

The apartment was still furnished since the old lady who had lived there before, had been transferred to a nursing home only a couple of days before that. It was obvious that nothing had been done in that apartment for a while, like renovating. The wallpaper was yellowed and seemed as if it had been brought in the 70’s. So the place was in no good condition. By the way, here in Germany you don’t move into furnished apartments, when you move in, there is nothing in there, you basically always have to bring all your own stuff, even the kitchen. So you move into empty rooms, whenever you move. You can make a deal with the previous tenant and buy their kitchen if  they offer to sell it but if the old tenant wants to take his or her kitchen along you are forced to either make your own kitchen fit into the new rooms or buy a new kitchen.

Anyway, after the other people were gone we talked business and my Mom decided to take it. He said he would call me today and we then left.

We then took a cab to Bad Godesberg, had a Latte Macchiato in front of my Red Cross unit’s house and I then we walked to the train station and I took care she would get a seat in the train, since it was after work rush hour.

I felt a little bad leaving her in the train but I had to work today and spending another 40 € to accompany her and then take the train back to Bonn again would have been a little too much.

I took the bus back home but got off at Ronnie’s place and spend another 90 minutes at his place before I eventually walked home again. I took a shower, grabbed my cats and was off to bed.

This morning I had only arrived at work when I got a bunch of calls. First the head of my psychological attendant group called, informing me that I would be somehow responsible for organising the upcoming meetings of the group, since she would be on vacation for 4 weeks. Then my Red Cross unit boss called talking to me about the upcoming First Aid course this weekend and the assignments for St. Martin in the next week.

And then came the call I had been waiting for – the realtor!!

WE HAVE THE APARTMENT !!!

We decided to meet again on the 12th to sign the contract, so I am taking off that day again since my parents will both arrive on the 11th, stay over night and then take the train back after everything is done. Also some more good news, the realtor is going to give us 14 days to do the renovations and moving without having the pay rent. So in December – we can start renovating on December 1st – they will only have to pay half the rent.

YAY!!!

So, this X-Mas, they will have their own place and all will be good. Hopefully. 😉

I am off to bed now, real tired. Everybody on the east cost – God bless and be safe.

Night folks.

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Ladies and Gentlemen,

I present to thee, another emotional eater!!!

Imagine my surprise, did I not always emphasise that I was a boredom eater more than anything?? Well, it turns out I am nothing special really … *sniff* uaaaaaahhhhh  – no, I am just an emotional eater and with a sweet tooth at that!

So, why am I telling you this?? Well, I had my second appointment with the nutritionist today but let me start at the beginning.

Work was hell again, Olga came by since her oldest son is in our company kindergarten and she has to drop him off during the week. Upon seeing all the chaos, she even offered to come in next week and end her vacation prematurely upon which I told her to just finish her vacation without any concern. I mean, I know that I am filling four positions at the moment but if I take a vacation I would also want to enjoy it all and not feel bad and come in early.

After all I still have one apprentice left to help me and it seems that I am slowly regaining control, little by little. I still have stuff lying around from Friday but that is only stuff which can wait a little longer.

Anyway, I stayed a little longer in the office since my appointment with the nutritionist was at 4 pm sharp and it only takes me 20 minutes to get there, so I left at 3:35 pm.

When I got there I still had a few minutes left to have another go at their celeb mags – no news about Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore thins time 😉 – until she called me in. The receptionist offered me some water, which I declined mentioning that I am not going to drink now, after all I was here to be weighed-in. The nutritionist also offered me some water, which I declined with a laugh and when she asked why I laughed I explained to her again. So basically after that the first thing we did was weigh-in. 😉

Hold on though, before I stepped on the scale she asked me whether I thought that I had lost any weight and I replied that I wasn’t shure since my scale is not working but that I felt so. She replied that if I didn’t lose any weight she would know why.

BANG ! Well, okay then, let’s do it.

So I stepped on the scale with my belly full and cloth on.

Last time around, which was 2 1/2 weeks ago my weight was 253.6 lbs … and … now I am …. TADA!! 251 lbs!!!

HA, I got you, damn fat!!! I am declaring war on you, you damn %”&)=”(/%”$§=(?=!!!!

Oh, sorry for that outburst … err … well anyway, she then said something like “Oh, you did lose weight still, well …. that’s  ….errr good!”

She almost seemed disappointed that whatever she has discovered about my eating habits, didn’t prove her point. But hey, I don’t care, I am just happy I lost another 2.6 lbs.

Anyway,she then told me that she had discovered that the source from where I get my calorie information is obviously not precise and most of the time what I consumed amounts to more than I estimate it to be. For instance, I totally know that 3.3 oz of oats are something like 354 (or something) calories, then why did I enter them as 192 calories on Loseit!!! And obviously this wasn’t the only case of me underestimating the calories. So it’s fair to say, that when I thought that I had like 1300 calories for instance, the reality was that I actually had 1678 and the fact that I still lost weight with that amount of calories, surprised her. Do you remember that I told you guys that her fat distribution test estimated that I ONLY have 1540 calories per day… well it seems she is expecting it to be true and this explains her surprise at me still losing still weight.

Well, anyway, she also had a look at the last three days, during which I had to keep another precise food diary and upon seeing that I had pineapple in my chicken carrot curry one day and three tbsp of granulated sugar in my fried bell peppers on Monday, she exclaimed that I really can’t be without carbs, can I.

Well, I guess I somehow knew that – no, I totally knew that sugar and pineapple do have carbs but I guess I just haven’t yet fully comprehended the NO CARBS AFTER 5 PM RULE. I guess I thought that this “little” wouldn’t harm, right. Well obviously she thought different.

Anyway, after me asking lots and lots of questions, which I will elaborate on in a moment, we came up with the plan of me avoiding any and all salt when cooking for the time being, have no more than one egg in one go and stay clear of anything sugar or sugar-like – for instance my beloved ice coffee for instance… 😦

No more ice coffee – check!

No more salt … err, che …, err – check!

That will be a difficult one, so I need your help here, since I just can’t imagine just not salting my dinner. So throw some spices at me, can you?

Now, for the questions I asked her…

  • What fat should be in my milk, quark or yoghurt?

Milk should have 1.5%, Yoghurt can have either 0.1% or 1.5% and quark should be most meager

  • What bread to eat?

Get your bread from a very good and expensive I might add baker, that doesn’t add extra sugar or salt in the bread. The normal bread you get at your grocery usually has added salt and sugar in it.

  • Light sodas?

Have no more than one glass each day, drop the habit altogether if possible. Having it every now and then is okay but don’t have it as a regular source of liquid

  • Cream cheese is low carb – YAY!!!!
  • Retaining water?

Avoid salt and buy better whole wheat bread

  • Drinking massive amounts of water helps you lose weight?

Not true! Water fills your belly and might keep you full for some time but the once it’s gone you might crave since your blood sugar levels will get very low when not eating properly, which then again causes cravings. Also too much water is also not good for your kidneys and I am talking about more than 3 liters here,

  • Tee outside food times?

Yes you can. 😉 Only keep it unsweetened

  • Are there any no go’s with what you eat?

NO!!

  • How to cope with high stress days, concerning food, like no time and alike?

Prepare your food in advance, never leave your place without the food you need that day.

  • Should you follow your plan and eat even though you are not hungry?

Yes, please do, this also helps avoid cravings and keeps your mineral and vitamin intake in order

Okay people, it’s time for me to get ready for bed. Tomorrow is the last day of work this week, yay, so happy.

Stay strong people, we can all do it. 😉

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Oh yeah, the first appointment with my nutritionist really gave me some info which I wasn’t aware of – well, there was one information which I would gladly have stayed ignorant of. My muscles – obviously there are none, or hardly any, well, or just not as much as a person of my age should have.

All the things I did these past 2 1/2 years have caused my body to not only burn up fat but muscles as well. So at the moment, I really need to build up muscles, which could get me back into the gym, since all the cardio stuff I have gotten so fond of within the last 8 month won’t help me at the moment. I actually need to change to only muscle exercises in order to “buff” up.

But first things first.

So, yesterday was my first “real” appointment with my nutritionist. I got there 3:50 pm and had to wait a few minutes, which I used to read up on the world of celebs again – Demi Moore wants to get pregnant to forget Ashton?? – when I was called in, I first handed her the pages of my 7 day food diary and she first asked me a few question concerning my health.

Am I allergic to certain foods – allergies in general – do I take any form of medication on a regular basis. And so on and so on and so on. Finally she asked me about my weight and, quite politely to be honest, she asked whether it was okay for her to check on the scale.

I mean, helloo-oo, I am shouting my weight at the world on a regular basis, so taking my shoes off and stepping on her scale was not the slightest bit problematic. I mean, I am there because of my weight and because I want help, so there was no problem for me. To be honest I was quite excited as what the numbers might show, since I haven’t used my scale in – what – three weeks I think. I almost jumped off the scale when the numbers appeared.

YAY – NO GAIN!! 🙂

  1. Now, take into consideration people, it was late afternoon, not early morning, when I usually use my scale.
  2. TOM is with me at the moment. 😦
  3. And, I was wearing my cloth.
  4. And also, it wasn’t my scale, but the doctors. 😉

So with my cloth on, belly full and TOM clinging to me, the number was 255.8 lbs, she subtracted my cloth and came up with the number 253.6 lbs.

So I guess, I can be quite content that I didn’t put on any weight, despite ignoring my scale for three weeks and also despite the fact that I felt like a loser for the better part of these past weeks, thinking that all the things I did to lose weight were actually bad and wrong. Well, I guess I might have tried a few stupid things since I started, but these past six month, I must insists that I did more good stuff than anything else. By the way, the last time I weighed-in, the number was 255.2 lbs, so I actually lost weight. 😉

Anyway, so I was quite happy about the numbers I got to see after three weeks of “Scale?? What is that?” time.

After stepping on the scale I was asked to go next door, where we did the fat distribution test. I had to take off the sock from my right foot and two contacts were placed on my right hand, one slightly above the wrist and one slightly underneath the knuckles. The position on my food must have been somewhat equal but I wasn’t able to check, since I was supposed to lying down and keep still for about one minute, while the machine started working.

Afterwards I went back over to the nutritionist again and we checked the results.

Okay, so basically, I am retaining  LOADS of water, like a hell of a lot!!! Off the chart a lot. The amount of muscles is too little, while the amount of fat is obviously still off the charts as well. So basically all the weight I still want to lose would be fat at the moment. 53.2 kilos of fat, that is – what – 117 lbs of FAT – that is hilarious, ridiculous and crazy … but obviously true!! It’s “let’s face it” time, right?!

But then again, if I am lacking muscles so much, why am I able to carry a 250 lbs man with a partner and only the use of a triangular bandage??

Let me explain. Last Saturday when I taught Life-Saving-Measures, I asked one attendee, who was as tall as I am to help me with an experiment. In that regard you must know, that I love triangular bandages because you can just do almost anything with it. Anyway, so I folded the triangular bandage up to a tie – you could just imagine, placing a unfolded triangular bandage on the ground and then just roll one side to the other, then place the plate of your hand in the middle. Now take the right tip of the bandage and pull it to the left side and do the same with the left tip. Now pull up your hand, the tips should be crossing the back of your hand and hang down to the right and left of your hand. Now take those tips and weave them into the fabric around your hand, first the left tip, then the right tip. When you are finished there should be a ring around your hand. Tie up the remaining tips and slip the ring from your hand. Now, this is what you call a triangular bandage ring, which has now become a carrying ring.

So I made the ring, then asked one attendee to help me to hold the ring. I held one side of the ring with my left hand, while my partner stood next to me, holding the other side of the ring with his right hand. The person you want to carry has to stand in front of the hands holding the ring. He then has to place his arms around the shoulders of those people holding the ring, while those holding the ring will support the person, by placing their arms behind his back.

Now, why am I explaining all this??

Well, the attendee we carried like this was about 250 lbs and while I had NO PROBLEM, I repeat, no problem, carrying him, my partner – hihihihi – had difficulties.

SO THAT DARN MACHINE IS TELLING ME THAT I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MUSCLES???????

Well, I guess, a person my weight should have more, so let’s settle with that.

Anyway, after having had a look at the terrible truth, my nutritionist decided to create a food plan for the next 2 weeks. So, this is basically what we came up with.

Daily food intake:

  • 7 am
  • 50-60 gr. of sugar-free nut muesli with 200 ml of 1.5% milk or yoghurt and one hand of fruit
  • 10 am
  • 250 gr. or 150 gr. of quark with one hand of fruit. If still hungry 1 tsp of nut or almonds
  • 1 pm
  • 2 slices of whole wheat bread, margarine (which I don’t like, I don’t like butter either for that matter) with vegetable spread, or quark and jam, or almond puree, and vegetable of three colors, red, yellow and green
  • 4 pm
  • 1 slice of bread with quark and jam or a small serving of nut muesli

ATTENTION !!! NO MORE CARBS AFTER  5 PM (that’s only for me though)

  • 6 -8 pm
  • Salad or veggies with meat or fish or low carb soups

Obviously she also handed me some recipes, which I haven’t yet gone through but will do during the weekend in order to cook some of the things she suggested.

My next appointment is in 2 weeks, so I am definitely feeling the pressure now, because I really wanted to show her how determined I am. That means that in 2 weeks time I hope to not have gained any weight. Best case scenario would of course be a loss. 😉

But it will be hard, just take today for instance. I am not hungry now but I still haven’t eaten yet and it’s almost 8 pm now. So let’s make tomorrow count. Leaving out food is not allowed by the way. Maybe I will still prepare some fish burger … err, without the bread that is.

By the way, yesterday I actually managed to stay away from the carbs after 5 pm. Ronny, with whom you might have noticed, things have been quite these past 2 month, has returned from staying with his grandparents and had asked me to come by after my appointment for a coffee. That brings me to one more change, no more coffee outside food time.

This actually will be difficult cause usually I would have a coffee at Ronny’s place, so yesterday it was water instead. 😦

Anyway, the not drinking coffee became “why don’t you stay for dinner?” and I did. Two friends were there as well, Kevin and Mattias and Ronny had prepared a sausage stew with pasta and some cucumber salad as a side dish. So I had the stew minus the pasta and some cucumber salad and it was quite good.

After eating – with candles and all – and it was really, really nice, Ronny, Mattias and Kevin went to town for a light/musical on the towns square and I went back home. They asked me whether I would come along but as you all know, I am getting up so early in the morning that I need to go to bed early as well.

I would have liked to go but since Kaya and Shorty had been alone all day it was better for me to return home and spend a little time with them as well.

So that was my first appointment with my nutritionist oh and by the way, my insurance agreed to participate in covering the costs of the treatment – is it a treatment by the way?

Okay, I am off for today, feeling good and ready to do this.

Sleep tight people and never give up!!

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This should be just a short update, since I just finished 45 minutes on the Wii, ‘playing’ Wii Fit.

There are too many things I still need to do, take a shower and then I ‘have’ to watch Inception. I borrowed the movie from my apprentice at work and need to return it by tomorrow.

Now, what did I do during the weekend. Saturday I had a meeting in the Red Cross headquarter of Bonn for a new psychological attendant training.

Bane and Torsten during a break

I have already done a similar training but the goal last time was to tend to anyone involved in disaster or accidents which might cause psychological problems.

Now this time the course is sanctioned by the city of Bonn and we will be helping anyone who is somehow involved with the EMS. That means, we will tend to anyone working in rescuing units or medics and alike. Help the helper, that’s the deal. Help those that experienced traumatic events by trying to help from a EMS point of view. We won’t be responsible for fireworkers, that will be covered by the psychological attendant group of Siegburg, who has a certain inside knowledge of the work of firemen.

The first meeting was quite interesting and I am looking forward to the following meetings. We finished around 4:30 pm and stopped at Ronny’s place before Torsten dropped us all of.

Food-wise, I stayed away from too many carbs and had a salad in the afternoon. Sunday I transformed into a lazy couch potatoes…oh my, how could I. Well, to be honest I enjoyed every second of it. I didn’t have to be anywhere and watched the 5th season of Dexter.

Today I went back onto the Herbalife wagon, since I never do Herbalife during the weekends – not because I wouldn’t want to. It’s more to keep the costs low. Here in Germany one box, which lasts about 2 weeks is about 42 €… That is about 55 dollar. I know that in the States one box is about 30 dollars, how mean is that?? Of course I could order in the States but the transport alone would cost me some 60 €, so I have to decline on that one.

Anyway, today I did another workout, I did some hula hoop, skiing, some balance games and 20 minutes on the stepping board. 10 minutes I followed the program and this time I didn’t collide with the cat’s scratcher and 10 minutes I did the free style stepping workout. 😉

That’s about it…now I really need to rush and start ‘Inception’.

Everyone, enjoy yourself and all is well.

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What a weekend. Good and terrible at the same time. First the good part. My weight has remained the same! YAY. No gain!!

I am still 280 lbs, which is good, not gain is a loss after all. Even more so, since it’s the time of month again. I am quite happy about it.

Now, to the less good part of the weekend. Saturday I had some fries and I didn’t think anything of it. The last time I had fries must have been more than a year ago and I felt good about having those fries.

Yet my body…not so much. I don’t know why but my stomach wasn’t ready to actually digest the fries. The last time my stomach refused to digest something….well, can’t remember whether this ever happened to me. I think not.

Sunday I started feeling bad, my stomach started hurting from the early afternoon onwards and I started feeling rather bloated. Whatever was going on in my stomach wasn’t good. It felt as if something had died in there. It was terrible. The night from Sunday to Monday I actually didn’t sleep at all. Every twenty minutes or so, I had to go to the bathroom.

Eventually I fed the cats around 5 am and had to cough real hard upon returning to bed. The moment I lay down, I started feeling sick real bad and had to run to the bathroom. [Reality mode on] I had to vomit 4 times and realized that there were still the remnants of fries in my stomach [Reality mode off]

The good thing was, that I felt better after getting it all out. Therefore…no more fries for me. Today I had a tomato soup in the afternoon and I hope I can go back to work tomorrow.

I am feeling better now but don’t want to experience that kind of weekends in the foreseeable future.

I can do it…

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Those of you who have been reading my blog within the last few weeks have certainly realised that I have been having problems finding myself. I wouldn’t say that I was in a dark place altogether but certainly in a rather dimly lid place. 😉

I am sure that, when weight loss stops like it did in my case, everybody would question the how’s and why’s and get desperate at some point. Which is also the case for me.

I realize that I have been lying to myself.

And now I realize that not sticking to the rules, my rules that is, and telling myself that it’s okay equals lying to myself.

I have come to realize that in order to change for good there needs to be honesty about things.

I have to be honest about what I want to achieve but even more so, I need to be honest about what I am doing to get there. I guess I have been so used to twisting the truth when it comes to food that sometimes I don’t even realize that something is going wrong.

There is a necessity of honesty when it comes to food. Do I need this food now? Why do I need it? Am I filling a void or just flying on autopilot again. Do I need to eat this now? Is that the right choice for me?

There is no doubt that my weeks are great and I am totally focused from Monday to Friday but there is also no doubt that during the weekend I seem to lose that determination.

Okay, Herbalife is expensive and not using it during the weekends truly started because of the financial implications at first and while it is still true to the core I have started abusing the Herbalife free weekend to a degree.

I didn’t eat sweets or fries or alike but going for carbs mainly.

I realize that now.

In order to keep moving I need to be honest about things and get rid of the wrong behaviors that end up blocking my path. I ruin my efforts by taking wrong turns during the weekend, leading to a stagnation of  my weight which pulls me down and in turn makes me take the wrong choices again.  

It’s a vicious circle.

I want to end it and I can do it!!

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