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Ja, the weekend has been over for a few days now but it’s so stressful at the moment that I write once I have some time, so bear with me here.

Last Saturday I had a Red Cross training for my psychological attendant group and we did mental hygiene in that training. It was quite cool and actually just what I needed. How to get rid of all the bad things one piles up internally, should be useful in the long run.

We also did some mental exercises during the training. The inner garden, the peaceful place and the safe, are just some. The inner garden is a garden that you create in your mind, where you can return to whenever you feel like it, so is the peaceful place.

Basically you sit down straight but comfortable or in the Fiaker position, invented by the hackney carriage drivers in the last century. Basically you sit down, lean forward and place your elbows on you knees and let your head hang down. Then you concentrate on those places that you have created before and just spend some time there.

For us, who tried it for the first time, we sat down and then our instructor basically lead us through the steps of creating our garden, theย peaceful place and the safe, or strong room.

I managed to create all of them and when we did our third exercise I was actually gone and had all forgotten about me being in class somewhere in Alfter, where the training was at. After the training was over I even managed to forget my food box with the yoghurt that I had brought as a snack. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

The food we got there was terribly salty, a concoction of potatoes, some mushrooms in a sauce and some meat covered by bread crumbs and then fried. The salad we had as a side dish was good but also way too salty. When I got home I was totally off my game and I don’t really know why, perhaps the fact that I didn’t have my snack, nor did I follow the timing of my food, might have had something to do with it. So I did not only fall back on having salt that day but have been having my struggles with anything sweet these past few days.

I know I should not only avoid salt, which has been working for me these past four days, since I got back on the salt-less challenge on Monday but should also stay away from anything sweet, which has been pushing my boundaries lately.

At the moment I feel like I am restraining myself 24/7 – no milk coffee!! I mean seriously NO MILK COFFEE!!!!!! This is killing me more than anything and to be honest I really broke that rule on three out of five days. If I don’t get a handle on this I am worried my next appointment with the nutritionist will turn out a tour de force. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

And the fact that people around me keep telling me that I am overdoing it and that there has to be some quality in life, is not helping much. I know I am being hard on myself big time but I also know that once I get the routine, I might be able to handle giving myself a break a little better.

Salt-less check but avoid carbs – I mean, I am not even allowed to have balsamic after 5 pm – mayor disaster I think!! Having a milk coffee can already trigger me going whatever. Having pineapple in my curry, forget it, sugar in my fried bell pepper? Don’t even think about it!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

But this is what I wanted, right?? Someone to tell me what I am doing wrong and this is what I got. It’s hilarious, I am paying to be tortured and putting myself under pressure to meet expectations ๐Ÿ˜‰

Well, I guess I will make a trip to my inner garden in a moment to refocus and find my inner strength again.

Night to you all. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Song if the day is Pumped up kicks from Foster the People

No salt no fun?

Okay then, today was the first day that I tried to follow my nutritionists instructions of avoiding any and all salt when cooking and of course the no sugar rule.

“Spicing instead of salting” it says

And this is what I came up with. I actually checked Amazon for a book on this topic but was presented with spices instead. I am hoping to find cheaper options along the way but for now, after only dipping into the topic, almost 5 Euro per container must do. I actually bought one more container with a Asian mix but upon checking it at home – you have to understand that when I found it in the shop, all the way at the bottom of the rack I was so excited that I just grabbed one of each of them, that I didn’t check – I discovered that the Asian one does contain sugar. It’s the last item on the list but still it contains sugar so I am not going to use it until I have checked with my nutritionist.

Which brings me to the fact that I actually totally forgot to finish my story about being an emotional eater yesterday.

So here goes that story. I did talk to my nutritionist about the fact that I don’t need to eat at 4 pm, because I just wasn’t really hungry then butย  that I REALLY love my ice coffee in the afternoon. I wanted her to agree that I could have my ice coffee instead of eating a small muesli or slice of bread with cream cheese or something. After all they both have about the same calorie value. She then asked me what the ice coffee is doing for me.

I tried to put it into words and then told her that the ice coffee for me symbolises the end of the working day, just something to make me calm down, relax and forget about the stress at work.

And CHA-BANG, that is when it dawned on me and looking at her face I saw from her expression that she realized that I realized – does that make sense?? Hahaha. ๐Ÿ˜‰

So, hello my name is Janet and I am an emotional eater, (you are now supposed to say “Hello Janet”).

She then prompted another task to me, instead of focusing on the exact amounts and calories of what I eat, I am now supposed to write down how I feel before, during and after eating. This way we will hopefully figure out whether I am feeding my body or my soul.

What is quite cool about it, is the fact that I am going for another Red Cross training tomorrow which will be about how to deal and cope with psychological stress. Okay, it’s another Saturday where I can’t relax, since the boss of that unit – this is not my Red Cross unit boss Hassan, but the boss of the psychological attendant group Almut, where I am also involved – asked me, whether I would possibly like to become an instructor of that topic later, so I will have to stay focused all the way.

Anyway, let’s get back to my NO SALT challenge, which has started today by the way. Ops, anyone care to join me?? Feel free to do so. It’s only going to be a three-week challenge, so don’t worry about lacking salt after those three weeks cause there is a lot of salt in the rest of the food you are having on a daily basis. So feel free to join me.

I am totally excited to see whether my weight will reflect anything in three weeks time when my next appointment with the nutritionist is. After all I have scientific prove that I am retaining water.

So here is what I had today.

Chicken with no salt added and peas, carrots and corn. also unsalted. I used the spices you can see above

And, well … it was good. Different but okay. I guess I can get used to it.

That’s it for today people. I need to take a shower and then head for bed. A colleague is going to pick me up tomorrow at 8:15 am.

So night folks and sleep tight. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I present to thee, another emotional eater!!!

Imagine my surprise, did I not always emphasise that I was a boredom eater more than anything?? Well, it turns out I am nothing special really … *sniff* uaaaaaahhhhhย  – no, I am just an emotional eater and with a sweet tooth at that!

So, why am I telling you this?? Well, I had my second appointment with the nutritionist today but let me start at the beginning.

Work was hell again, Olga came by since her oldest son is in our company kindergarten and she has to drop him off during the week. Upon seeing all the chaos, she even offered to come in next week and end her vacation prematurely upon which I told her to just finish her vacation without any concern. I mean, I know that I am filling four positions at the moment but if I take a vacation I would also want to enjoy it all and not feel bad and come in early.

After all I still have one apprentice left to help me and it seems that I am slowly regaining control, little by little. I still have stuff lying around from Friday but that is only stuff which can wait a little longer.

Anyway, I stayed a little longer in the office since my appointment with the nutritionist was at 4 pm sharp and it only takes me 20 minutes to get there, so I left at 3:35 pm.

When I got there I still had a few minutes left to have another go at their celeb mags – no news about Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore thins time ๐Ÿ˜‰ – until she called me in. The receptionist offered me some water, which I declined mentioning that I am not going to drink now, after all I was here to be weighed-in. The nutritionist also offered me some water, which I declined with a laugh and when she asked why I laughed I explained to her again. So basically after that the first thing we did was weigh-in. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hold on though, before I stepped on the scale she asked me whether I thought that I had lost any weight and I replied that I wasn’t shure since my scale is not working but that I felt so. She replied that if I didn’t lose any weight she would know why.

BANG ! Well, okay then, let’s do it.

So I stepped on the scale with my belly full and cloth on.

Last time around, which was 2 1/2 weeks ago my weight was 253.6 lbs … and … now I am …. TADA!! 251 lbs!!!

HA, I got you, damn fat!!! I am declaring war on you, you damn %”&)=”(/%”$ยง=(?=!!!!

Oh, sorry for that outburst … err … well anyway, she then said something like “Oh, you did lose weight still, well …. that’sย  ….errr good!”

She almost seemed disappointed that whatever she has discovered about my eating habits, didn’t prove her point. But hey, I don’t care, I am just happy I lost another 2.6 lbs.

Anyway,she then told me that she had discovered that the source from where I get my calorie information is obviously not precise and most of the time what I consumed amounts to more than I estimate it to be. For instance, I totally know that 3.3 oz of oats are something like 354 (or something) calories, then why did I enter them as 192 calories on Loseit!!! And obviously this wasn’t the only case of me underestimating the calories. So it’s fair to say, that when I thought that I had like 1300 calories for instance, the reality was that I actually had 1678 and the fact that I still lost weight with that amount of calories, surprised her. Do you remember that I told you guys that her fat distribution test estimated that I ONLY have 1540 calories per day… well it seems she is expecting it to be true and this explains her surprise at me still losing still weight.

Well, anyway, she also had a look at the last three days, during which I had to keep another precise food diary and upon seeing that I had pineapple in my chicken carrot curry one day and three tbsp of granulated sugar in my fried bell peppers on Monday, she exclaimed that I really can’t be without carbs, can I.

Well, I guess I somehow knew that – no, I totally knew that sugar and pineapple do have carbs but I guess I just haven’t yet fully comprehended the NO CARBS AFTER 5 PM RULE. I guess I thought that this “little” wouldn’t harm, right. Well obviously she thought different.

Anyway, after me asking lots and lots of questions, which I will elaborate on in a moment, we came up with the plan of me avoiding any and all salt when cooking for the time being, have no more than one egg in one go and stay clear of anything sugar or sugar-like – for instance my beloved ice coffee for instance… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

No more ice coffee – check!

No more salt … err, che …, err – check!

That will be a difficult one, so I need your help here, since I just can’t imagine just not salting my dinner. So throw some spices at me, can you?

Now, for the questions I asked her…

  • What fat should be in my milk, quark or yoghurt?

Milk should have 1.5%, Yoghurt can have either 0.1% or 1.5% and quark should be most meager

  • What bread to eat?

Get your bread from a very good and expensive I might add baker, that doesn’t add extra sugar or salt in the bread. The normal bread you get at your grocery usually has added salt and sugar in it.

  • Light sodas?

Have no more than one glass each day, drop the habit altogether if possible. Having it every now and then is okay but don’t have it as a regular source of liquid

  • Cream cheese is low carb – YAY!!!!
  • Retaining water?

Avoid salt and buy better whole wheat bread

  • Drinking massive amounts of water helps you lose weight?

Not true! Water fills your belly and might keep you full for some time but the once it’s gone you might crave since your blood sugar levels will get very low when not eating properly, which then again causes cravings. Also too much water is also not good for your kidneys and I am talking about more than 3 liters here,

  • Tee outside food times?

Yes you can. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Only keep it unsweetened

  • Are there any no go’s with what you eat?

NO!!

  • How to cope with high stress days, concerning food, like no time and alike?

Prepare your food in advance, never leave your place without the food you need that day.

  • Should you follow your plan and eat even though you are not hungry?

Yes, please do, this also helps avoid cravings and keeps your mineral and vitamin intake in order

Okay people, it’s time for me to get ready for bed. Tomorrow is the last day of work this week, yay, so happy.

Stay strong people, we can all do it. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I have a new job it seems

Oh yeah, didn’t I joke about it yesterday, having to stand next to Kaya while she eats. Well actually it seems she is intend on me being there.

I just spend the last few minutes being called by her over and over again and once I followed her, she actually started purring while devouring what seems to be a lot!!!! Also she didn’t purge last night and by using cat treats I managed to stop her begging for human foods.

I hope this will last.

I am actually on the run at the moment. Unfortunately I didn’t get any RC colleague for tonight’s theater duty and this means I will have to go myself. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Don’t get me wrong, who has problems watching a play for free – but I watched that play three times already, so it’s getting old. Unless it’s Macbeth – which I can watch over and over again – things get old after the second time.

So I am leaving in a moment, just wanted to leave some prints here today.

I am rather annoyed that I have to be at the theater tonight cause I am having problems getting up in time and going to watch the play means that I won’t get to bed before 10 pm. And the chaos at work doesn’t make me feel any better either.

Sonja and Jens sick, Olga on vacation and, oh one of the apprentices also got sick. Apprentices … ah well, as much as I am thankful for their help and all – but errr, fearing the mistakes,l75983tzghlqwejgfafj…….

Sorry got to go, Kaya wants to sleep on my shoulder and I really need to leave. Just one more thing – nokayapleaseeeeeetakeyourtaleoutofmyface – tomorrow is my next appointment with my nutritionist. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Night folks

Gee, I just spend the last few minutes crawling after Kaya with a plate of food pushing forward. What we do for our cats, right?

Kaya is having another problematic phase at the moment and in order to get her to eat CAT FOOD and stop begging me for HUMAN FOOD, I had to get crawling I guess. She ate a little in the kitchen, then walked away, so I sat down next to her and kept on pushing the plate towards her. She would eat again and then parade away again. So I followed her with the plate, knelt down beside her and pretended to eat her food upon which she once again had a few bites.

Following her cat-wise, unfortunately got old for her pretty soon but I hope she had enough to eat not to purge this night. The last few nights were rather bad in that regard. My carpet looks …ย  well, let’s not talk about it.

But hey, I have got my special cat stain remover, so all is good.

There have been quite a few occasions within the last few month when I thought Kaya might be “leaving” soon but so far she has always fought through and still be her old self, so I won’t estimate anything about the end of her life anymore.

Anyway, but there are also some more news from this side of the world. YAY!!!

On Monday when I went back to the office I found an email in my work account. The mail was from the landlord of the place that I looked at a couple of weeks ago. To be honest, getting him to even consider my parents has been quite a hassle so far. I had to scan all sorts of documents for the landlord and the city hall since my parents are both retired and considering the health history of my Dad there is no way he can work anymore. Also my Mom has a new hip and all, so there is no way she could work a 9-5 anymore. So they have to live off their retirement money, which is nothing to live a luxurious life with.

Anyway, here in Germany there are a few flats that are supported by the city you are living in and the landlord is basically only rentingย  out places that are supported, meaning that the rent is about 150 โ‚ฌ cheaper than if it weren’t supported. BUT – in order to be admissible to these supported flats, you need a document from the town hall and in order to get that you have to turn in all sorts of documents, and the original signature from my Mom, so it turned out quite the adventure. I am doing the organising here on my own, after all my sisters are living 40 and 200 km from Bonn.

Blabla, I am talking too much it seems. Soooooo, when the landlord asked whether I would vouch for my parents, I got a little concerned and prayed that he would accept me as a guarantor … and … he did!!!

In the email he basically told me that there was another vacancy in the same house on the first floor and that he would accept me as guarantor. He will call me in 2 weeks time to make an appointment to look at the flat. YAYYYYYY!!!!

When reading the email I felt goosepimpels all over my body and realized how much pressure I had been under when I felt this weight suddenly being lifted off my shoulders. So I am sooooo happy,

And song of the day is a cover of Creep by the Scala & Kolacny Brothers

Night folks. ๐Ÿ˜‰

No, I am still here but it has been a little stressful these past week or so.

Now, what did I do? 8 days ago I went for a Red Cross duty next to the American school in the Rheinaue with Ronny. Weirdly enough it was a cricket event organised by a very nice Indian gentleman, I think his first name was Raymond. Nothing really happened and to be honest I am quite happy that nothing happened because those cricket balls are hit with quite some force. Raymond proved it by showing us his left hand ring finger that had been deformed by laying cricket for years and getting hit on a few occasions.

Hardly anyone around but that is due to the fact that hardly ever anybody plays cricket over here.

Actually us being there was weird because there were hardly 50 people playing the entire day.

Onur came to visit and brought some coffee from McDonald’s. Onur is the guy, whose army swearing-in I missed due to the problems with my father. But I think he forgave me. He is a great guy and will become a great doctor once he finishes his studies with the army.

Onur and me

I brought all my food for that day, had my muesli at home and brought all the rest along, so it’s fair to say that I managed to have a very good day food-wise.

We finished the assignment around 6:30 pm.

6:30 pm, eventually the games ended

Monday I went back to work. Sonja, my colleague who is fighting cancer at the moment came to visit and told us that she is still going to be on sick leave until January next year. I hope the best for her since cancer cells have also been found in her liver. Her brain is yet free of any cells – basically she is standing were my aunt was standing three years ago only she didn’t win. So I can only pray that Sonja will fight through it.

Then Jens, my other colleague called later that day and told me that he is also going to be sick for some more time. He has been sick for 4 weeks and it seems that something is wrong with his heart, which might make a surgery necessary, which would then again mean that he would also not come back this year. Gee, people seems to be dropping like flies around me. Olga is on vacation at the moment, which basically means that I am all alone for the next 2 weeks.

I also have had a sick day last week Thursday and had a day off on Friday, so I haven’t been in the office for 2 days, so when I returned to work today – well, let’s say it was bad. Fortunately I am still having 2 apprentices who are helping as much as they can at the moment.

The fact that apprentices have to help might mean more problems further down the way but there is nothing else I can do about it.

My boss even called today to ask how things are going and he did neither know about Jens sickness, nor about Sonja being on further sick leave until January. I do not believe that Sonja will be back next year, since several chemo do take a toll on the body, so I don’t believe that we will work at full power any time soon.

Anyway, last Tuesday I went for one of the first Carnival assignments with Ronny and Matthias, another friend. A band called Jodesberger Jungens was on performing, basically carnival music and it was quite nice.

Setting up the treatment area, first aid backpack, defibrillator and oxygen

That assignment ended at 1 am I think.

Getting less crowded

We didn’t have anything to do during that evening either but I was quite tired upon returning home because that day I just didn’t eat enough. I took on that assignment without preparation. Ronny asked me, when I had just returned from work. Food choices were good but just not enough.

Anyway, then on Wednesday, October 3rd was a public holiday here in Germany. This holiday has been created because of the German reunion. So I relaxed and had a nice and quite day. Tuesday I didn’t feel so good and came up with a stomach ache and some migraine. I guess that I just didn’t drink enough the previous day.

Also the entire last week I have been quite busy with sending stuff to the landlord of the place that I looked at some time ago. Doing this and that and getting this and that for my parents. I am quite stressed about getting the flat and have been having sleeping problems again recently. Like last night I turned and turned in my bed until it was almost 2 am – it’s obvious that I ended up oversleeping.

Oh and before I forget it, on Friday I went for the RingCon 11 in the Maritim hotel. The assignment started at 9 am and ended – well for me at least – at 1 am. Philip, the colleague I was there with actually stayed the entire night.

Craig Parker (he is in Spartacus and also acted in The Legend of the Seeker) and Mark Ferguson were there again – they are always so funny together. Jason Momoa (Stargate Atlantis, Game of Thrones) also attended and even Sean Astin (LotR – Samwise Gamshee).

Mistfits and one Zombie … ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway but the best part for me, was this. ๐Ÿ˜‰

We always help, even biting patients ๐Ÿ˜‰

That’s it for today then, tomorrow I hope to write again. ๐Ÿ™‚

Night folks!

Yes, it’s done!! My weekend shifts have officially come to an end this very day.

The last 5 weeks my weekends have been cut short by one day, leaving only Sunday to relax and be free. I managed to get almost all the stuff done which has accumulated since Sonja, one of my colleagues, got sick. I spend 4 Saturdays at work and one Saturday teaching LSM in English. Now all that is left to do is file it all, since I managed to get it all prepared. Everything but 10 files or so are ready to be closed and filed for good.

It was fun though, coming in on a Saturday and be all alone in my building. Well almost all alone – there were at least two occasions when I had a scare when a security guy came in and turned off all the lights without me noticing. Two weeks ago when I worked on a Saturday, I went to the bathroom and upon exiting the bathroom – and I was in there only for 2 minutes – all the lights had been turned off.

I froze and looked towards the filing room and the light that was supposed to emanate from that room wasn’t there. Just wasn’t there, then I realized that the lights in the hallway were also off and I remember mumbling to myself that it was supposed to be on, and didn’t I turn it on? Yes I did!! I slowly walked to the corner leading to the file room and saw that someone had turned off the lights and left the room staring back at me in utter darkness but I couldn’t hear anyone. I was alone in the building. I didn’t even hear the sounds of a door closing. That was quite scary, obviously the security guy had been walking quite fast.

Last day alone at work

Anyway, so I am quite happy that this is over with. Unfortunately I won’t have the time to relax tomorrow since Hassan convinced Ronny and me to take up an assignment tomorrow the entire day. I won’t even able to sleep in, well I guess I can sleep in a little. I need to be at the vehicle hall at 8:30 am, so I should be up by seven the latest, feed the cats and get ready.

Oh by the way, Kaya has now started peeing on my hall and bathroom floor for a change but she didn’t stop purging either, it’s not as often but now she started peeing and on purpose I might say. I have the feeling that if I don’t react to her begging for “human” food, she shows me her discontent by parading into the hall or bathroom,ย  meowing loudly and then peeing. When I followed her today, I caught her in the act. I couldn’t believe it, so I took her and put her into the litter box, which didn’t seem to bother her the tiniest bit.

I guess I should be happy that she is at least doing it where there is no carpet. Ah well, she never ceases to amaze me.

Oh and by the way, the changes my nutritionist advised me to implement are not as easy on me as I anticipated. I am having problems with the times. Well, I guess these past 8 month I have been eating whenever I felt like it and if I felt a little hunger and didn’t want to eat yet, I would just have a coffee or tea with milk. Now, that I am not allowed to have coffee with milk outside of food times, everything has been turned up side down and I have been stumbling a few times. I didn’t eat anything real bad but also haven’t managed to have meat or fish every day as she advised me to.

Chicken carrot curry

Today was actually the first day since Tuesday, that I managed to have meat, I had a chicken carrot curry from a recipe I found online.

Chicken carrot curry low carb

  • 10 oz of vegetable broth
  • 175 gr. of chicken
  • 150 gr. of carrots
  • 2 1/2 slices of pineapple
  • 100 gr. of cream cheese light
  • 3 tbsp of pineapple juice
  • Curry, salt pepper

Here is how you do it.

Clean and chop up the carrots and cook them in the broth until tender. In the meantime cut the chicken and fry it in a skillet. Cut up the pineapple and add it to the chicken, when done. Use only three tbsp of the vegetable broth when adding the carrots to the chicken. Add the pineapple juice, spices and cream cheese to the skillet and stir well.

And et voila, done. It was quite nice and I really liked it. I didn’t yet have time to figure out how many carbs are in the pineapple or cream cheese but will have to do so before cooking it again. Well, I searched for low carb recipes when I found that recipe but I am not sure I trust it.

Anyway, tomorrow will be another day where I basically have no control as to what and when I will be eating since I am going to be on duty and I am not sure there will be food offered at all.

Oh before I forget it. Just imagine, I wanted to check my weight yesterday and guess what … my scale is not working *haha* it’s either the batteries or the thing is broken. How ironic is that?? ๐Ÿ˜‰ But I am quite okay with it not working. I will ignore the scale for the next 2 weeks until my next appointment with the nutritionist and then decide whether I want to use it again.

Okay then, I am going to bed now, need to sleep.

You all sleep tight people.